I rewatched Burlesque today, it’s one of my favorite movies, and as I watched it a new sense of understanding came to me. One of the reasons I enjoy this movie so much is because it portrays so well that sense of knowing that I see in many of the most successful people in the world.
They know what they care about, they know what they want to do, and they know, more than anything else, that things will go their way.
Christina Aguilera plays a dancer who falls in love with the burlesque style the moment she lays eyes on it. In an effort to stay in the environment she so enjoys, she essentially forces her way into a position as a waitress. Granted, the waitress that she replaces is somewhat inept.
It’s not what she really wants to do but at least she can learn more about what it takes to become a burlesque dancer.
One day though, to her surprise, auditions are being held. She didn’t get the chance to prepare but she’s been studying this form of dance for a while now and believes in her ability to perform an audition.
At the end of her audition, she begs Tess to let her in stating how she wants so badly to get this job. She swears that she will work so hard, that she will “practice until [she] bleeds”. And after a minute of begging, Tess reluctantly agrees to give her the job.
Now a member of the ‘band’, she starts her rise to the top, ending the movie as a hero and admired performer, admired by all her co-workers and fans.
It’s the story of trust, that sense of knowing that, above all else, you will finish first (in whatever manner suits you best).
That is something I really wish I possessed more of. I wish I knew with such certainty I wanted to contribute to this world. And yet, with all the things I’ve tried, I still don’t really know in which direction my path lies.
I suppose I’ll get there one day, more than likely by releasing my own preconceived notions about what life is supposed to be like.
Because, no matter what else, I know the ultimate goal is happiness and that the ultimate job is one that you love.
As it turns out though, unlearning something can often be a bit more difficult that one originally thought. I still find myself trying to force a revelation. Continuing to strive for some unknown end goal that I cannot fully see. It’s the concept of the blind leading the blind. I’m rushing head first for my future with a blindfold over my eyes. And I know it’s silly, and that the best option is to slow down, or even stop, so that I can get a more accurate view of my surroundings, or even remove the blindfold entirely.
It’s not an easy thing to do and I find myself constantly looking toward the future, asking the question “what if I’m still here this time next year?”
In the end I don’t know how I would feel. I can only say that for now I’m doing okay, and assuming that a year spent here would somehow turn bad, is presumptuous. And more than likely, if I really do want a change before the year goes by, I will find a way to make that happen. So, logically speaking, there is no reason to worry about it. But still, I find it difficult to stop worrying about it. I have a fear of standing still.
But life never stands still, even if you want it to. The nature of life is change. So, even if I am at exactly the same place, surrounded by the same people, and in the same job, I will not be the same person I am today by the time tomorrow comes around.
And so I’ll keep practicing my breathing. I’ll practice taking smaller steps so that I can see where I’m going. And just maybe, when tomorrow comes again, I’ll know a little bit more about what it is I really want.